so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
