So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
