i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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