Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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