I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
