we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
