i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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