my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you win again, gameday.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
