dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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