I puked a lego.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
