It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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