Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
