Taylor Swift is so right about you.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
