singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
