I heard we made out
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
