we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
this hospital has no fireball
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
