I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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