sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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