Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
