dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
