So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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