And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
