she was so not down for the gang bang
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
