He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize