$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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