who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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