There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
