9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
