I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
