OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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