I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
