Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
