dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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