Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
