Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
