I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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