If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
