babies were throwing up all over the place
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
