Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
