Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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