I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
