Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
