as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
