R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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