The maid of honor just puked.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
