Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
