does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
