Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
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Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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