I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
