So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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