I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
