i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The best revenge is premature balding
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick