I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked