Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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