I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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