whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
