I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
whose parrot is this?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
