Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Come share oat with me in your robe
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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