you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
