I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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