"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
