My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
