Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
