My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
