True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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