after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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