dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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