somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
