He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
