Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
