brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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