just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
